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WELCOME TO THE BLOG ALL ABOUT FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIPS OF DIFFERENT KINDS

My name is Mustafa Hatim and what compelled me to start this blog is that in today`s fast paced artificial world we have many connections and followers on social media of all types but very few true friends.Very few.

My vision is to make this world a better place by helping people improve and better their relationships with other people by making friends.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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CHILDHOOD IS THE FOUNDATION OF THE HOUSE OF FRIENDSHIP[SEE PICTURE ]

Little Naughty Angels

I personally just love children especially the active naughty ones.Children under the age of five are my favorites.I love talking to them and can spend hours listening to them without getting bored at all.

Children have such bright inquisitive minds with pure hearts full of innocence.They can be anything they want ,go wherever their imagination takes them.

One time they are flying in space like Buzz Lightyear

Buzz LightYear

Another time they are the engine driver of Thomas The Tank Engine

Thomas The Tank engine

Or They are Popeye The Sailor Man sailing the high seas.

Popeye The Sailor Man

Sometimes children pretend to be doctors and/or nurses

Doctor Doctor

Child Development

Our first friendships are formed from toddler hood.Our friends then are  our neighbors children,our playmates at pre-school,even our pets and toys.

We make friends easily with children of all races ,no discrimination on basis of color,religion,social status or any other adults may use when choosing friends.

A friend is anyone who will play with them as play is a child’s principal activity.Age,race,color do not matter to these little angels.They just want someone to play with them and the playmate is their friend no matter the age.

49486322-children-playing-with-wooden-train-toddler-kid-and-baby-play-with-blocks-trains-and-cars-educational

Define Social Skills

The environment plays a major role in the positive development of a child’s social skills which the child will need to form long-lasting friendships essential in childhood and later on through teenage and adult hood.

Well developed social skills in early childhood will ensure that a child will become a productive member of society in his/her later years.

 

7-Factors-That-Influence-Children%u2019s-Social-And-Emotional-Development

Refer to Mom Junction for more details on stages of a child’s development.

Children who are brought up not only with love but also self-confidence and lots of understanding will inherit the same traits and reflect those in all of their relationships including early child hood friendships

Developing Friendships In Early Childhood

Their importance is often overlooked yet such friendships form the foundation of healthy positive development of children as they grow older.

Children are naturally attached to their friends more so than adults.Separating a child from his/her friends can cause emotional stress.

Lena Aburdene Derhally gives her own personal example in her article in the  Washington Post where she states that her family moved about during her childhood and each time she had to leave behind friends she had made.

Fortunately her parents realising the importance of Lena’s attachments to her friends ensured she stayed in touch with them thus preventing emotional stress from taking its toll on her.

Sometimes parents are not so understanding and just ask the child to make new friends.But though children make new friends far more easily than adults do not think its easy for them.Moving into a new community and fitting in takes time even for adults who realise and understand why they had to move.

Can you realize how stressful and frightening it must be for a child to leave behind neighbours and school mates whom he/she has known so well and have become a major part of his/her life.And to integrate into a new community who may not be so welcoming.

Lena’s Post : Lena Aburdene Post

Childhood Friendships Psychology

Play and Play based activities form the main basis of early  childhood friendships.Children are always on the look out for playmates with whom they can share toys,games or become involved in outdoor activities like playing on the swings,roundabout,climbing frame.

That’s why a playground in a school or park is a very good place for forming friendships.

Playground

Plus in addition to that children are attracted to other children who are like them in appearance , and who love to do what they do.Especially when they see them on a regular basis such as school mates,neighbours children and even the children of their parent’s friends if they meet up regularly.

Sometimes parents of children’s friends become friends after attending school functions where the children are taking part.

Reference Friendships During the Preschool and Childhood Years

My Brilliant Friend

 

Children Being Friends Through Different Ages

Reference Psychology Today

An article by Eileen Kennedy Moore in Psychology (see above link) describes how children at different stages of growth perceive peers as friends.I have referenced the information and adapted it in my own way for this particular post.

  • At six months old babies can recognize and get excited at seeing a peer.they may even try to get close to the other baby by crawling(if they can) and get to know it.But at this stage its more like they are trying to discover “what is that looks like me” as their minds have not yet fully developed to recognize a peer as a friend.
  • Toddlers from 12-18 months are able to identify their friends among peers and show certain preferences for them.For example they play simple games like peek a boo and imitating each other.The foundations of friendships are laid down at this age.
  • At the ages of two or three years old children  recognize and sympathise with a peer.For example if they see a friend crying or sad they will hug them or share their favorite toy or blanket or even chocolate or sweet just to make their friend happy.But also at this stage children are also frivolous in their friendships as they are very young and their understanding is not fully developed.If they find a friend does not want to join them in what they are doing then that peer is not a friend at least for that time or day at most.
  • At ages of 5-9 years children are selfish in their friendships.They become friends with nice children who do things for them like offering them a seat in the bus,giving their friend their favourite toy or chocolate/sweet.Friendship is  used as a bargaining tool to get what they want.

So it can be seen that right from the time babies are born and become aware of their surroundings,the concept of friendship is born in them though in different ways depending upon the age and developmental stage.

 

 

 

 

WHO ARE THE FRIENDS MARRIED COUPLES GET ALONG WITH BEST

This post is about the importance of married people having friends both individually and severally.And especially couple friends.

Married Couples Need Their Own Friends

Married couples need their own friends.Yes that is very very true.For before you met your spouse you had your own life and your friends.Just because you are now married does not mean that you stop seeing your old friends giving the excuse that “You are so so busy”

Married Woman Do Not Isolate Thyself

By friends I mean having friends of both genders, for a true healthy relationship.Just because you are now married does not mean you the wife shut out your school or college male friend(s) with whom you shared beautiful  fun-filled memories together .

Or expect your hubby not to call or keep in touch with his female friend(s) who were an important  part of his life long before you came into the picture.Yes you are an important part of your spouse’s life but you are not the whole and sole.

Don’t expect your spouse’s life to revolve around you and you  only as if you are the main character in her movie and everything revolves around you.

Your spouse has other aspects of her life in which you are not required and if you are wise,you will understand that.

One of these aspects is his/her group of friends either same or cross sex.

Its fine if you are invited to become part of the group sometimes as a guest but you are not a regular member,as you do not share their history.

I will give a personal example here.I have a group of female school friends with whom I get along very well.We chat as a group on whats app and should a friend from abroad happen to visit my home town,we the home town friends  arrange to go for a meal together.The friend is very happy to meet her former school friends of both sexes and the spouse is not missed at all.

This is her time with her friends so let it be.

 

married friends

 

His Or Hers Single Friend(s) Gives Me The Jitters

Many couples feel comfortable having other couples as friends as they somehow feel more secure rather than having singles as friends especially of the opposite sex.

Sometimes spouses even though they are liberal in thought,are uncomfortable when they see their partners with friends of the opposite sex.Even though its just two good friends having a laugh and spending some good time together and nothing more.

Still care must be taken by the spouse who has a good relation with a cross sex friend that he/she takes into consideration his/her spouse’s misgivings, and makes sure that his/her actions do not send the wrong signals.

Are Opposite Sex Friends Okay If You Are Married

Married Couples Need Married Friends

Apart from each spouse having their own separate friends who were a part of their lives before their marriage.And cannot be just thrown away like yesterday’s newspaper just because their friend is married,married couples need other married couples as friends.

This is because situations will arise in the marriage where single people cannot offer the best advise as they are not in the same boat.But other married couples who are friends to both spouses  and possibly more experienced can offer more constructive advise.

We all need advise from a good friend in different situations.One type of friend cannot offer solutions to every situation.That’s why you need a variety of friends of both sexes for the different situations that may arise.

Importance of Married Friends

Why Married Couples Need Married Friends

 

Marriage Is Based On Trust

Why I say this is that marriage like any other relationship is based on trust.

And if you trust your spouse fully why should you feel threatened by the friends of your spouse of the opposite sex?

Yes from what I have said above,spouses do need to take care that the friendships they share with members of the opposite sex are fully understood by their spouses.

And even among couples friends affairs are known to start between two married couples.

BUT

Marriage is a choice you made and you chose your spouse over other men or women.

When you you took your vows you promised to love,trust and be faithful to each other through all the storms of your lives.

You are a major part of your spouses`s life but it does not mean that you and you alone are their world.In fact its not healthy at all to have such feelings.

Each spouse needs their own space.Its very very important

You see you and your spouse share a beautiful, wonderful loving relationship together but you are not Friends in the actual sense of the word.

Married couples are two different wonderful loving couples who are madly in love and deeply care about each other and their children if any.

But each needs from time to time to be with people other than the spouse.Be it him with his mates out doing things the Boys love.Or her with her Girlfriends having a girls night out or day out.

Or either of them with a mixture of both male and female friends from school or college recapturing the good old times.

I will end with what a very good friend of mine once said to me about himself and his spouse.

She has her friends,I have my friends and We have a common group of friends

 

The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work

 

Couples In Crisis-Overcoming Affairs And Opposite Sex Friendships

 

 

 

 

 

WHO IS A BFF[BEST FRIEND WHO IS A FEMALE] AND THE BENEFITS OF HAVING ONE

This Post seeks to explain and clarify that not only having a Best Friend Female (BFF) is good for you it is also very healthy and beneficial.And Yes Men and Women can be just Good Friends.

124908_BFF

Hi Guys!Is there any book out there saying “101 Ways to Understand Women” ,is there really?Had there been such a book every man would have got a copy of that book and every man married or in a relationship would be having a very good easy  life.The closest I have seen so far is Men Are From Mars,Women From Venus and even that has not helped all men fully (Maybe some have been helped).

It is said that God created Adam first to be his representative here on Earth and to rule over all things.And God decided to give Adam a companion and so he created a wonderful but highly complicated very  difficult to understand super computer called a Woman.And we all know what happened after that, and the sons of Adam have had  to suffer the  fate of Adam.

Every man married or in a relationship will testify that you can never fully understand a woman no matter how long you have been with her.That’s why even the most happily married couples have their fights albeit in an understanding way.I was once told that fights in a marriage (verbal ,non confrontational and never ever physical ) are an essential ingredient of a Happy Marriage.

Fight For A Better Relationship

Okay, Okay, Buster I have got what you have said so far.So if there is no book to read  or even course available online or otherwise I can take, to fully understand my wife or girlfriend what can I do?? The Answer is find yourself a very Good Female Friend.Not Girl Friend mind you, just another friend who is not a Guy but a Girl.In fact have more than one female friend,a group of them would be ideal.From the group choose one to be your team leader,counselor and BFF(Best Female Friend)

The Great Thing About Female Friends is that you are not bound to each other in any way at all as you would be in a  romantic or sexual relationship .Your relationship is entirely Platonic which is a very special and unique yet very fragile relationship.Special care needs to be taken that clear cut boundaries are set that you are just good friends and nothing more.And certainly neither of you have romantic or lustful feelings for each other.Only then will you have a Beautiful Relationship.

Brother and sister taking a picture of themselves with a mobile phone at Raksha Bandhan

A Platonic Relationship is very healthy and beneficial for both parties.But lets focus on the how it benefits the guy because this post is about that.Firstly you get to fully understand the complex female mind (not fully mind,that will never be possible) in an independent unbiased way.

Like say you want to gift your wife/girlfriend something nice but you have absolutely no idea what she likes or  doesn’t like(I can see men nodding in agreement here).

What you do in such a situation is to call up your BFF and explain the problem.She will ask you a few questions and from there deduce as to what your wifes/girlfriend’s likes/dislikes are.Then she will be able to suggest what you should give her and 90% of the time your BFF’s guess is correct. ​You see women understand how the minds of other women work,men don`t.

Your BFF is also your independent marriage  counselor  when you are just entering into a relationship or planning a marriage,especially if you and your BFF have known each other for a long time and fully understand each other.Her advice could help ensure you don`t get into a messy relationship or one not appropriate for you.Your BFF could also play cupid and hook you up with the Girl of Your Dreams.Please note the key words here “fully understand each other”.

Your BFF is also your trusted confidante where you feel maybe a male friend may not be appropriate or you are too embarrassed to talk to them.Women are very good listeners,naturally born and women confide in each other about all aspects of their lives.Its also much easier to cry on the shoulders of a female friend and pour your heart out than it is to break down in front of a man.Women understand and accept such things as natural.Their girlfriends do it to them all the time,so do children.

Never Kiss Your Best Friend

You see us men have been taught (wrongly I must say) that its not okay for men to break down and show their true feelings.True men are supposed to be tough guys who don’t  show their weaknesses.Only girls and sissies cry and break down.Is it any wonder then men turn to the bottle or worse  to dry drown their sorrows?

Why Men Suffer In Silence

Women are very good at choosing appropriate outfits and matching of the same Something most men are not that good at(including yours truly.So if you are single and need new clothes take your BFF along with you.She will help you choose the right type of clothing for your various occasions.You have just got yourself a high class fashion designer at no cost.

I have laid out some benefits advantages of having a Best Friend Female in your life yet sad to say in this 21st Century there are still people in the so called Mordern Western World who believe its not possible for men and women to just be friends.I believe its because the West has portrayed a woman as an object of desire to satisfy a men’s lust.The media has especially expounded on this through girlie magazines and adult movies now made worse by the internet.

Some cultures believe it to be taboo for men and women to be friends as they are not related by blood and therefore not appropriate to hug,cuddle or even shake hands with a member of the opposite sex.Such thoughts are very much outdated.

The truth is that it all depends upon how you perceive a woman in your mind and culture plays a big part in this.In India women are very much respected and different categories of women have different respected titles depending upon age and gender.A young single woman is called Behenji(sister) or Beti(daughter) by eldery people.A married lady is called Bhabi(sister in law) or Beti by eldery people.

In India girls sometimes take a male friend as their brother and even tie a Rakhi on him.Something they normally do only to their blood brothers or cousins.(In India cousin brothers are considered blood brothers and marriage to them is not permitted by culture)

 

My Best Friend Is A Girl
My Best Friend Is A Guy

In Indian culture cross sex friendships are natrual and healthy.Girls are looked upon as sisters and though a bit of joking and  harmless flirting goes on ,it stops there.A true Indian boy never looks upon a girl with lustful intentions as from childhood he has been taught to respect women and girls.Thats why platonic friendships abound in Indian culture and Indian girls make very good BFFs.

 

Guy Best Friend
My Best Friend is A Guy

To sum up yes its very much possible for men and women to be just good friends and its very healthy to have a BFF(Best Friend Female).

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WHAT QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND[A TRUE FRIEND]

Dedicated To All Of My True Friends Who Make My Life Beautiful

Facts About Friendship

The Friendship Recipe

Who is a friend actually?And more importantly who is a true friend?There are people in this world who have a very vague notion of friendship.They consider colleagues,people they associate with as friends.This Is So WrongYour colleague at work is not your friend unless you have something more in common with them than just work.Your drinking buddy is not necessarily your friend.The people who knew you at school are not necessarily your friends.One of my college friends said it so well .She said”Not Everyone is a friend.Some are just associates”.So in this post I will lay down bare the hard facts which make a person to be a friend and a true one at that.

The first thing about a friend is as a quote a friend sent me on whats app says.” A Friend is some one who can Pat You On The Back and Kick You In The Butt” as the need maybe.What this means is a friend is your mirror image albeit your conscious just as Pinocchio had Jiminy Cricket in the Walt Disney Movie.To make sure you neither sink to unmanageable depths nor  get your head in the clouds.

True Friends Versus False Friends

A friend and a true friend at that always has your best interests at heart and for a healthy balanced friendship, this should be reciprocated otherwise it becomes one sided and could end up with one person feeling like a doormat.This is neither healthy nor wise.

Some friends are there only to take advantage of you or use you for their own self interests.Once their objectives are achieved they avoid you as much as possible,or dump you altogether.They will not answer your calls,and give lame excuses when you need their help or companionship.These are False Friends and the sooner you remove them from your lives the better for you as they are just parasites who want to live off you.

All About Friends And Friendships

Facts About True Friends

  • A True Friend has your Best Interests at Heart.He or She will not hesitate to tell you point blank when and if your behavior is outrageous,undisciplined or out of line.So in that way A True Friend is your conscious just like Jiminy Cricket  was to Pinocchio.
  • But A True Friend will also inform you when you are doing good or your behavior is commendable,even if you yourself don’t think so or are unsure.This is a very commendable quality as for a person to be healthy and balanced they need to be confident and good about themselves.
  • A True Friend is there for you steadfast and steady as a rock through all of the seasons of your life.Through all your ups,through all of your downs,in the rain,in the sunshine,in the heat,in the cold they are there right beside you.Just like your shadow.
  • True Friends are always ready to listen to you when you need to talk or need advise.At times they will offer you helpful advise which can really benefit you.But they will never ever impose their opinion or advise upon you forcefully.They leave it upon you to make your own judgement.
  • With reference to the above,false friends will try to manipulate and persuade you to to what they want using every trick in the book .No matter if what they are suggesting could cause you great harm or severe loss.
  • True Friends do not care about your status in society,whether you are rich or poor,are a success or still struggling.They will welcome you  their social outings and never make you feel inferior or small.
  • To add to the above let me give an example.Suppose there a group of friends who have gone out for dinner and among the group there is one who is not of the status as the others.The other friends will gladly split the bill among themselves just because they like having “the not having made it friend” among them without making the that particular friend feel out of place.
  • A very special and very delicate category among true friends is one particular friend who is your BFF(Or Best Friend For Life).You trust that person with your deepest secrets.But they are also very delicate and brittle like fine china as should they decide to spill the beans they can ruin your life.More about that in another post
Best Friend
  • True Friends are Fun to be around with.They are stress relievers and confidence boosters.They make life so much more fulfilling and fun.Life is a joy with such friends.
  • Forgiveness is another very important element needed in a True Friend.Combined with understanding such a friend is truly valuable.As such people put the Greater Good Before The Lesser Good.Meaning they put the friendship first before their individual interests.
  • True Friends Are Protective Of You-They will stand up for you when someone tries to belittle or put you down.But again it should be two ways.You too need to be protect your friends.

What Is Friendship

 

To Sum up True Friends

Are Humorous,Fun to be around with,Witty,Spontaneous,Funny,Charming,Have large Beautiful Hearts,Trustworthy.

What Would Life Be Without Friends